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She was watching herself in the mirror.
"I am a super girl! I can do it!" she said to herself.
Inside she was trembling. She was dreaming of a change, that terrified her. So many things could go wrong. And it didn't help that she was analyzing everything from the aspect (mostly) what might go wrong.
"I am 35 years old. I have lived my life as everyone expects me to, I have a brilliant career, a wonderful husband - I have all that women are dreaming of," she was thinking. "I should be jumping up and down from the excitement! I should be happy! I should... I MUST be happy."
But she was not.
If you looked at her: she was fit, long blonde hair, everyone who knew her, liked her. She was honest, supportive and what matters the most, she was always smiling and happy. She kept her sad feelings to herself. This is how she was brought up by her family.
"Never show your sadness to others, they do not care! Smile! Always! Even if you suffer, don't forget to put a smile on your face," her mom used to say to her. And that is what she kept on doing. Living her life as she was expected to.
Now, when she was 35, she felt miserable. Nothing felt the same, it was like her castle made of clouds just had fallen apart. She couldn't take it anymore. She wanted out of this vicious circle that she created to herself.
She was fighting with her heart and mind. No, she did not want another husband, another man! She already loved her husband a lot. She just wanted to change the way they were living.
Life was suffocating her. She wakes up, breakfast, work, lunch, home, dinner. That was the life from Monday to Friday: nothing, absolutely nothing, excited her! It was like the life of a plant: focusing on work and not doing anything else.
"I can make it happen," she told herself again, like trying to convince herself on something.
She has imagined the conversation with her husband over and over. What will he say and how he would react to her request. But always from the angle of everything going wrong.
She was always there to everyone, helping if needed, listening when the problems aroused. Never she told to anyone, what she feels and what she wants. Always living up to others.
This is how she felt now...

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